Edge goes to ... RAW?
May 18, 2007

::That's right, kids... FAAAAAAADE IN~! Perhaps it's been a while, so let's reintroduce some standard truths. What we're doing right now, is fading in, from black usually, although sometimes from another scene. Black today, though. Don't worry, I'll let you know if it's another scene in the future. So, we fade in, and what do we see? Well, we're bringing it back to basics today, so we see the inside of the Team SEC headquarters, specifically, a room known as the TV Watchin' Room. Sometimes it's the TV Watchin' and Computin' Room, but one is longer than the other and is more annoying to type, so... you know what I mean, right? Now, in the TV Watchin' Room, there are a few basic items that are pretty much always present. A couch. A big-ass TV. Several chairs. We're minimalistic up in this mug, so don't expect too much flavor text beyond that unless it seems necessary or is part of a big get-back-at-Smooth deal. Like that one time. But I'm feeling self-indulgent today, so you know what? That's pretty much all the description you get for right now. The TV Watchin' Room is currently occupied, and by currently I mean prior to the fade-in and during it as well, by none other than the PWF Women's Champion, Kimona Wanalaya. She's on the couch, presumably watching something on TV. There's no way to be sure, though, because she won't admit it one way or the other. This happy scene is given a mere moment to settle in, before it is altered. Altered indeed, as Edge bounds into the room, looking happier than we often see him. He sits on the couch as well, on the opposite end from Kimona, sporting what can only be termed a megalomaniacal grin of epic proportions.::

Kimona Wanalaya:
Do I even dare to ask?

Edge:
Ask what?

Kimona Wanalaya:
Edge.

Edge:
What?

Kimona Wanalaya:
Your smile is unnerving me. Stop it.

Edge:
Alas, I cannot. Or, not alas, since the smile is the result of happiness and joy. So, instead, scratch that. Happily, I cannot. Yes, this works better.

Kimona Wanalaya:
... What exactly do you have to be so happy about?

Edge:
On the surface, one would think not so much.

Kimona Wanalaya:
Exactly.

Edge:
After all, in this freaky time of FML, as all the cool kids call it, the status quo of our fine organization Team SEC is uncertain. My bro Christian is further along the loony-ride than ever before. Cansupes has denied my eight hundred petitions to return to being Cansupes. Indeed, the only truly wacky member of Team SEC remaining is the one known as Edge, and I AM EDGE~! My only companions are Hiromi, the loveliest lovely assistant ever, and the diabolical Kimona, who has refused to sleep with me even though I am INCREDIBLY SEXAAAAYAYAY~! Normally hanging oo-out with only hot chicks is perfectly fine, but in the context of being a super-bad wrestling supergroup of mucho awesomeness and might, it leaves something to be desired. So people may have reason to say, "Edge, what do you have to be so happy aboo-out?"

Kimona Wanalaya:
Which I just asked.

Edge:
Indeed! Because what those people, including yourself, have missed, is that today is a very, very special day. A day of destiny. A day of importance. A day which shall live in infamy. Do you know what today is, my sweet?

Kimona Wanalaya:
I do not.

Edge:
TODAY... is May 18, 2007.

Kimona Wanalaya:
Yeah... so?

Edge:
Two years AGO, hot hot hottie hot hottie hottie hot hot, my VERY OWN FUTURE SELF told me that upon the date of May 18, 2007, I would have THE SEX with you.

Kimona Wanalaya:
Actually, TECHNICALLY he only said I had a date with "some fine, fine lovin'" that day. So you have obviously misinterpreted that statement. And I still don't think he's really your future self anyway.

Edge:
Well then who else would he be? He was sent here by GOD, Kimona! God himself sent my own future self to me two years ago to tell me of the wonders I would see and experience!

Kimona Wanalaya:
God. Sent your future self into the past. To tell you that you would have sex with me. This is what you believe is true?

Edge:
This is what IS true, babe!

Kimona Wanalaya:
Whatever. I can't believe you're actually wasting my time with this stuff. I have important ninja-type things to do.

Edge:
Oh, is that so? Like what?

Kimona Wanalaya:
... okay, I got nothin'. But that doesn't mean I'm going to sleep with you, just because someone who says he's your future self said that it would happen.

Edge:
But NOT ONLY is it May 18, 2007, date of destiny, it is ALSO the month of the tenth anniversary of the PWF Universe~!

Kimona Wanalaya:
So?

Edge:
So, we have to do SOMETHING to commemorate this auspicious event!

Kimona Wanalaya:
You're coming dangerously close to metatextual statements with all this, Edge. I mean, "PWF Universe?" Raven's usually the only one bold enough to actually reference that. This is more self-aware than you tend to be, and I don't mind telling you, it's unnerving.

Edge:
Metatextual?

Kimona Wanalaya:
Okay, a little out of character for me too.

Edge:
Well, whatever. The point is, we must make merry, here on this special day!

Kimona Wanalaya:
You're not listening. I'm ot going to-

::Suddenly! The Future Masked Men dash into the room!::

Future Masked Man 1:
Yo! Past-me!

Edge:
Dude! You won't believe this, she's refusing to abide by the proclamations of destiny itself!

Future Masked Man 1:
Wack.

Edge:
I know!

Future Masked Man 2:
What are you gonna do aboo-out it?

Edge:
Well, how did this go for you guys?

Future Masked Man 1:
Edge, dude, you know I can't tell you that.

Kimona Wanalaya:
Of course not. Because you're NOT from the future!

Future Masked Man 1:
Am so!

Edge:
He's got you there, babe.

Kimona Wanalaya:
He does not!

Future Masked Man 2:
Look, Edge. We're here to help you with your troubling dilemma.

Edge:
Really? Awesome!

Future Masked Man 2:
Yeah, it really is. See, we know that you've been trying to figure oo-out how to commemorate the tenth anniversary of the PWF Universe.

Edge:
Oh, I thought you meant the Kimona dilemma. I WANT TO BANG HER~!

Kimona Wanalaya:
I'm sitting right here, you idiot. Stop yelling.

Future Masked Man 1:
Well anyway, after spending some time thinking aboo-out it, we realized that the best way for you to recognize the greatness of the PWF Universe, would be to show you what the world would be like withoo-out it. You know, like that movie.

Kimona Wanalaya:
It's A Wonderful Life?

Future Masked Man 1:
I dunno, sure. Except, you know, withoo-out the suicide and stuff.

Edge:
Does Kimona have sex with me in this other world? Because if so, screw the PWF Universe~!

Future Masked Man 2:
She does not.

Edge:
Oh. Then celebrate away, yes! Let us commemorate!

Future Masked Man 1:
Poor past-me. So eager, before this trip into disaster. ... I mean, yes, it'll be great, Edge. We're going to send you back into the far-flung days of May 14, 2007.

Edge:
So, four days ago.

Future Masked Man 2:
Yes. But in another world. A world where Johnny Asterix never created the OWF, and so the stupid federation where Triple H wins all the time continued to exist, even unto the present.

Edge:
That bitch! So we have to find Asterix and get him to start it up, is that it?

Future Masked Man 1:
Oh, no. No, no, no, Edge. You're just there to observe, and make snide remarks.

Edge:
It's what I'm good at~!

::One flash of light later, Edge and Kimona are standing outside of an arena of some sort. Several lines of people have formed in front of the doors.::

Edge:
Babe! We're oo-outside!

Kimona Wanalaya:
Your powers of deduction are phenomenal, Edge.

Edge:
Where are we?

Kimona Wanalaya:
Hmm. Let's see. The sign says it's the "Hampton Coliseum," so obviously we're in Cleveland.

Edge:
Ha. Ha. Hampton, huh? We've been there before, right?

Kimona Wanalaya:
Probably. Oh, okay, it says "Monday Night RAW" is being held here tonight at eight.

Edge:
The hell? What's RAW?

Kimona Wanalaya:
Beats me.

Edge:
Okay, well, let's find oo-out! You there!

::Edge accosts a passer-by.::

Passer-by:
Yeah?

Edge:
What's RAW?

Passer-by:
What do you mean, what's RAW?

Edge:
Babe, help me oo-out here. They must not speak English in this other dimension.

Kimona Wanalaya:
Edge, he's obviously speaking English. He just doesn't understand your question. It's probably a stupid question.

Edge:
HEY! Are you saying my question was stupid, dude!?

Passer-by:
Uh, not at all!

Edge:
Well then what's RAW? The One Half Proud Unfailing Dave's Private Stash Defending SCW and HWA World Tag Team Champion of Myth needs to know~!

Passer-by:
It's, you know, WWE's main show.

Edge:
WWE?

Passer-by:
World Wrestling Entertainment?

Edge:
What kind of a stupid name is that? It doesn't even have FEDERATION in it! ... Okay, so SCW and HWA don't either, but you know what I mean! ENTERTAINMENT~!? That is not a company name, it's like a... a... an anti-company~!

Passer-by:
Well it used to be the World Wrestling Federation.

Edge:
IS THAT THE STUPID FEDERATION WHERE TRIPLE H WINS ALL THE TIME!?

Passer-by:
He's hurt now. But, uh, usually, yes.

Edge:
BABE~! WE'RE HERE~!

Kimona Wanalaya:
... I think everyone but you figured that out in the first ten seconds.

Edge:
So what's these lines for, dude?

Passer-by:
We're just waiting for them to open the doors so we can go inside. The show starts in a couple hours. ... Do you have tickets?

Edge:
Nah, we're from another dimension. Where can we get tickets?

Passer-by:
Another... dimension.

Edge:
Yeah. Or timeline, or universe, or whatever. The point is, we have come from across the great beyond to see this stupid federation where Triple H wins all the time, to commemorate our universe's tenth anniversary!

Kimona Wanalaya:
So we need tickets.

Passer-by:
Uh... huh. Well, if you ask the guard by that door over there, he can let you into the box office to buy tickets.

Edge:
Sweet! Thanks, dude!

Passer-by:
Do you have money?

Edge:
Hmm. Babe, do you?

Kimona Wanalaya:
Uh...

Edge:
We'll figure something oo-out. Maybe you can flash the ticket people. But no sex with them, right? You have to save yourself for THIS DUDE RIGHT HERE~!

::Edge and Kimona head up to the door.::

Edge:
Hey, guard-dude! We needs some tickets.

Guard:
Sure. Head on in.

Edge:
This was almost too easy, Starscream.

Kimona Wanalaya:
Uh, if you say so.

::They enter the building and quickly locate the ticket window.::

Edge:
Hello there! We require tickets.

Attendant:
How many?

Edge:
Uh, two. Oh wait, better make that three. Withoo-out a seat between us, I'm gonna end up fondling her, and she's gonna kick me in the face like eight times.

Attendant:
I have two next to each other.

Edge:
Two it is! Oh, the sacrifices I make for love.

Kimona Wanalaya:
Yeah, I'm just SO SURE.

Attendant:
They're floor seats, which run-

Edge:
WE HAVE TO SIT ON THE FLOOR!? Are there no chairs in this universe?

Attendant:
Ahem. Sir, "floor seats" simply means that the chairs are located on the floor. For this type of event, it's also called ringside.

Edge:
Ooh. Sweet. We'll take 'em!

Attendant:
Alright. As I was saying, these run forty dollars each, plus the building's fee, plus service charge... totals up to $94.15.

Edge:
ACK! NINETY-FOUR FIFTEEN? Babe, I doubt my credit cards are any good in this universe and all I have is five bucks! You got anything?

Kimona Wanalaya:
Fine, but you're gonna pay me back.

Edge:
With my body?

Kimona Wanalaya:
God, no.

::Kimona pays for the tickets, and receives them.::

Edge:
So, how do we get backstage?

Attendant:
Excuse me?

Edge:
Well, that's why I'm here. To go and meet the man in charge, find oo-out why he's such a chumpstain.

Attendant:
I doubt he would see you, sir.

Edge:
Am I invisible? Babe, little help?

Kimona Wanalaya:
I think he means he wouldn't meet with you.

Edge:
Wack. Come on, where's he at?

Kimona Wanalaya:
Not to worry. We'll figure something out.

Edge:
Hey, did you just agree to be part of my quest here?

Kimona Wanalaya:
Huh. I think I did.

Edge:
Sweet! Let's go, babe!

::Heading back outside, Edge and Kimona walk around towards the rear of the building. They are confronted by a new guard.::

Guard:
Excuse me, you can't go in there.

Edge:
Of course we can. Don't you know who I am~!?

Guard:
Hmm, well actually you look a bit like one of the wrestlers.

Edge:
Yeah, see? You know why that is? Because I, in fact, am a wrestler. THEY CALL ME EDGE~!

Guard:
Oh, that's right, you were working a show in Pennsylvania before RAW. They told me to expect you. Yeah, go on in. Who's the chick?

Kimona Wanalaya:
Unacceptable, that you would recognize HIM and not ME.

Guard:
Oh, well, I...

Edge:
Women, am I right?

Guard:
Don't I know it.

::He lets Edge and Kimona into the building. They make their way into the bustling backstage area.::

Kimona Wanalaya:
Now what?

Edge:
I dunno. I hardly recognize any of these people. Where's Perfeito? I don't even see Taz. I guess Fath is too much to hope for, too. Oh! JR! Yo, Jimmy!

::Edge gets the attention of Jim Ross.::

Jim Ross:
Oh, hey. Flight came in from Pennsylvania alright, then?

Edge:
I have no idea. Who runs this place?

Jim Ross:
What, the Coliseum?

Edge:
No, no. This WWE thing. This stupid federation where Triple H wins all the time.

::Ross frowns.::

Jim Ross:
You feeling all right? And who's this with you?

Kimona Wanalaya:
Does NO ONE know me!? Edge, you better not be some kind of super-awesome person in this place!

Edge:
That'd be cool. I'm good, JR. I just need to talk to whoever runs this WWE stuff. We gotta HASH IT OO-OUT~!

Jim Ross:
Why, has TNA called you or something?

Edge:
... That is a call I would never ignore.

Kimona Wanalaya:
Uh, I don't think he said what you heard.

Edge:
Like, this chick's T&A, they call me all the time. But she claims not to be calling, you know? But I'm like, THEN WHY IS IT RINGING, HUH?

Jim Ross:
Tell you what. Vince is on his way from a meeting with creative. I'll tell him to come talk to you, alright?

Edge:
Sweet! Vince who?

::Shaking his head, Ross heads off.::

Edge:
This is indeed a disturbing universe.

Kimona Wanalaya:
I know. You notice how no one knows me? Oh God, Edge, what if I'm dead here?

Edge:
Whoa. That's heavy stuff, babe. I am willing to console you, if needed. Just so you know.

Kimona Wanalaya:
Whatever. Let's try to find someone we know. Maybe Christian's somewhere around here.

Edge:
Could be. I'd even settle for Riptide at this point. AH! What is THAT!?

::Edge reacts to the Great Khali walking by.::

Edge:
Come on. We gotta find some allies up in here. HEY! Coach!

::Jonathan Coachman is ushered over.::

Jonathan Coachman:
What's up, man? Didn't think you'd be here for another hour.

Edge:
Yeah, well, where I'm from, today is Friday.

Jonathan Coachman:
Ha, ha! I heard that! Long weekend, huh?

Edge:
Look, uh, I was wondering if you've seen my bro around here anywhere.

Jonathan Coachman:
Do what, now?

Edge:
You know, Christian. Or Fath. Whoever's here, really.

Jonathan Coachman:
Who's "Fath?"

Kimona Wanalaya:
Chris Jericho. He calls him... yeah, it's dumb.

Jonathan Coachman:
Heh, you're almost two years too late for either one of them, man. This some kind of joke?

Edge:
They're DEAD?

Jonathan Coachman:
Nah, nah... hey, I gotta run, I'll catch up with ya later, okay?

::Coach escapes the two of them as well.::

Edge:
This is freakier than when Cansupes superkicked me during "Dude, Where's Our Cansupes? II: Curse of the Wombat!" At least that was due to it being the future! This is the worst universe EVER~! No Christian, no Fath...

Kimona Wanalaya:
No ME! Did you notice he didn't make ONE smarmy Coach-style remark at me?

Edge:
That IS weird.

::Vince McMahon approaches the two of them.::

Vince McMahon:
So. What can I do for you?

Edge:
Huh? Whoa, hey, the old announcer dude!

Kimona Wanalaya:
Without any hair.

Edge:
Yeah, BALD AS A CUEBALL~!

Kimona Wanalaya:
You know, they say toupees are for people without any confidence, but if your scalp looks like THAT, you should really invest anyway.

Edge:
For real, babe. I mean, I SO totally mocked Austin for his bald-bald-baldy-bald-ness, but this dude takes that cake to a MUCH more ridiculous extreme.

::McMahon crosses his arms over his chest and adopts a stern expression.::

Edge:
I just realized something, babe. THIS is VINCE.

Kimona Wanalaya:
Oh, right, right. That WAS the guy's name.

Edge:
What's up, Vince? I was just kidding. Your scalp is awesome. It makes you look distinguished.

Vince McMahon:
What the hell is it you want, huh?

Edge:
Oh, well, you run this place, right? This WWE thing?

Vince McMahon:
That's right. You damn well ought to know that by now.

Edge:
Well I wanted to tell you, it sucks. I mean, it's some stupid federation where Triple H wins all the time, and come to find oo-out, it doesn't even have FEDERATION in the NAME anymore!? Dude, give it up, for real. And why is Coach telling me Fath and Christian aren't here? Where's Perfeito at? And Taz? WHERE ARE ALL THE DOMINANT SUPER-DUDES?

Vince McMahon:
Okay, you know what? That double-countout finish you and Shawn were going to do tonight? He's going over you clean, now. And in the dark match, Cena's gonna pin you in ten seconds. Tomorrow in Baltimore, I want a completely different attitude out of you, or you can just kiss this main event push of yours good-bye. And who is this damned girl with you!? AND DO YOU HAVE YOUR PROMO MEMORIZED YET!? Get out of my face!

::McMahon stalks off.::

Edge:
... the hell?

Kimona Wanalaya:
Crap, he didn't recognize me either!

Edge:
Well hey, he WAS just in the NOWF and VCW. Probably didn't see much PWF stuff. ... You know, the real Vince, our Vince.

Kimona Wanalaya:
Hmm. I guess.

Edge:
... anyway, what's a dark match? And who's he to tell me that someone's gonna beat me? Is he daring to dictate terms to the MASTER OF DISASTER~!? Does Vince McMahon think that THIS DUDE RIGHT HERE would not go into a match prepared to win no matter the cost!? Let me tell you, Kimona, this world is simply unacceptable thus far!

Kimona Wanalaya:
Weird. Was he telling you to throw the fight or something? Maybe in this world he's like Don King.

Edge:
Perhaps. Perhaps. Come on, we gotta find oo-out more aboo-out this place. The more I learn, the more thankful I am to live in our world. I'm not even so distressed over James Ace stealing a bus anymore!

Kimona Wanalaya:
Let's not be hasty.

Edge:
Indeed. OH LOOKY~!

::He runs off, with Kimona following.::

Kimona Wanalaya:
What is it NOW?

Edge:
Look, babe, look!

::Edge has located and run up to Taz.::

Edge:
DUDE! Taz! It IS you! I almost didn't recognize you withoo-out your ratty towel or Johnny Asterix attached to your hip.

Taz:
Huh?

Edge:
So what do you do in this world, huh? You still an awesome whomping machine of indeterminate height and power?

Taz:
What in the world are you-

Edge:
Whoa, whoa, didn't mean nothin' by it, Taz! I know my bro ain't here, so your threats of breaking me in two are no longer mathematically impossible! But like, what sort of incredible feats have you performed as of late, up in here? Easton-bash Raven into the fourteenth row? Tazplex Excellence off a balcony into a pool of piranha? Make James Ace eat his own socks? Come on, you can tell me~!

Taz:
This some kind of joke?

Edge:
WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP ASKING THAT~?

Kimona Wanalaya:
Look, Taz. Pretend we don't know who you are, and you don't know who we are. What is it you DO around here?

Taz:
Commentary on ECW.

Edge:
You're an announcer?

Kimona Wanalaya:
Seriously?

Edge:
Not the eight-time World Champion who people fear to even tread in the same zip code as?

Kimona Wanalaya:
Not the angry orange midget of myth who even My Undefe- I mean, who even Chris Jericho did not want to face on a regular basis?

Edge:
Not a beast? Is this true, Taz?

Taz:
... uh, yeah. ... Wait a second. Aren't you Kimona?

Kimona Wanalaya:
FINALLY~! Someone recognizes me!

Taz:
I'd heard you were dead. Guess I owe Scotty twenty bucks.

Kimona Wanalaya:
There was a bet based on my life!?

Edge:
Hold on, babe. If TAZ has been reduced to such, just think! If Taz is an announcer, maybe Perfeito's like a referee, or a janitor! HEY TAZ~! What's Perfeito doing?

Taz:
Who?

Kimona Wanalaya:
He's talking about Curt Hennig.

Taz:
You're sick, you know that?

::Taz walks off. Edge just looks confused.::

Edge:
Hmm. Odd reaction. Are janitors evil on this world?

Kimona Wanalaya:
I doubt it. Oh, what if he wasn't a wrestler here? Maybe he was like, a terrorist, or a dictator or something. Yeah. Curt Hennig, ruler of East Germany.

Edge:
It's possible. Weird, but possible.

Kimona Wanalaya:
Well, we're getting nowhere at this rate, Edge. All we've really figured out is that pretty much none of the top wrestlers in the PWF are anything special over here. And that Curt Hennig might have conquered New Mexico.

Edge:
Hey, you know what? If he's a head of state, he probably doesn't have much in the way of wrestling skill. I should go challenge him to a match, and TOTALLY beat him~!

Kimona Wanalaya:
Do we really have time for that?

Edge:
Probably. Maybe. ... Okay, no, I guess not.

Voice:
YOU!

Edge:
ME!

::An irate Edge stalks up to... Edge. He has a Big Gold Belt.::

WWE Edge:
So, you snuck backstage posing as me, huh? Well, it's time to get you out of here.

Edge:
Wait, what?

WWE Edge:
You think this is funny? I don't know what you said to Vince, but suddenly I'm in the doghouse!

Edge:
Dude, are you me? Whoa, you are! You're this world's Edge!

WWE Edge:
... what?

Edge:
Okay, well, listen up. This might sound crazy, but... my future self came to me and decided to help me celebrate the tenth anniversary of the PWF Universe by sending me to the universe of some stupid federation where Triple H wins all the time, except come to find oo-out, Triple H is injured and this place doesn't even have Federation in the name, not to mention that everyone is completely not themselves at all, there's no Christian or Fath or Perfeito or Cansupes, and Taz is really weird, and Perfeito might be in control of New Mexico or East Germany or Pakistan... we don't really know, but the point is, your world sucks, other-world me!

WWE Edge:
You know, your story is completely ridiculous and sounds like the work of a total hack writer. And yet, somehow I believe you.

Edge:
See, that's because we're kindred spirits. So, other-world me... how did it get this bad?

WWE Edge:
What are you talking about? I've been getting a main event push for the better part of the last year and a half. All the other top guys keep coming down with injuries, and I keep dodging the bullet and finding myself back on top. Basically, I've been the top heel for over a year now.

Edge:
Okay, I didn't understand a word of that.

Kimona Wanalaya:
Well, I understood "injuries."

Edge:
Right, me too. I mean, the gist of it escaped me completely.

Kimona Wanalaya:
Oh. Same here.

WWE Edge:
You two are really weird. Who's the girl, anyway?

Edge:
Damn, babe, not even other-world me knows you. Guess that means he hasn't banged you either. HA! Take that, other-world me! You have not beaten me to the punch~!

Kimona Wanalaya:
Whatever. I'm Kimona.

WWE Edge:
She's a hot one.

Edge:
INDEED~!

WWE Edge:
She a rat?

Edge:
Eh?

WWE Edge:
Uh, so anyway, how can you come here and say that I suck, that my whole world sucks? What makes YOURS so great, huh?

Edge:
Well, for one thing, we speak in a language that everybody can understand! Our Vince McMahon doesn't go around telling people to lose matches! We have super-hot chicks like Kimona here! And my story is NOT the work of a total hack writer~! Our tales of happiness, tragedy, comedy, and woe flow logically from one point to the next, in a manner befitting the gravity of the situation! And not just me and Kimona! I say thee nay~! Our world is populated with those who are monsters of word and battle, and our champions, except for stupidface James Ace who stole a bus, are masters of their craft~! I mean, who is your WWE Champion anyway, STING?

WWE Edge:
No, it's John Cena. Sting's in TNA main eventing.

Edge:
NOT HELPING YOUR CASE WITH THESE ANSWERS, DUDE~!

WWE Edge:
Fine. For sake of argument, let's just say your world is better. But what about you and me?

Edge:
What?

Kimona Wanalaya:
Oh, this will not end well.

WWE Edge:
Tell me, "Edge," just what kind of push you've been getting lately.

Edge:
Again with the words that don't make sense!

WWE Edge:
Who have you beaten, what titles have they put on you?

Edge:
Well, pretty much everyone, of course.

Kimona Wanalaya:
Except-

Edge:
Yeah, yeah. Except for Fath, and that bus-thief James Ace, and sometimes Austin. But I SO totally picked up the TV title for a while, in a singles match of the non-tag-team-tudinal sort! And I shall forever be one half of the Proud Unfailing Dave's Private Stash Defending SCW and HWA World Tag Team Champions of Myth~!

WWE Edge:
TV title. Wow. Pretty good.

Edge:
That's RIGHT! Don't step to this, dude!

WWE Edge:
Me on the other hand, last year alone I won the WWE title three times, and this year I've picked up the World Heavyweight title that we use on Smackdown. And they've put the tag titles on me eleven times... or is it twelve? I don't know, they all run together after a while.

Edge:
Okay, you can bite me.

Kimona Wanalaya:
Huh. So you ARE a super-awesome dude in this world, Edge. You should be proud of... uh, yourself.

Edge:
No! No, I say thee nay~! For what is victory withoo-out the fruits of one's labors!?

Kimona Wanalaya:
Huh?

Edge:
Yes, this so-called Edge may have been a dominant power on the level of Perfeito or Taz, but what has he truly gained from it, Kimona? Where are his brothers, Christian and Fath? Where is Cansupes? Where are his chicks!? Other-world me! When was the last time you took a forbidden booty and made it your own~? What hot hot hottie hot hottie hottie hot hot have you pursued for the last five years, only to fail miserably in every attempt, driving you to greater efforts week in and week oo-out? WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID OO-OUT!?

WWE Edge:
Why would I say that? It sounds retarded.

Edge:
Just as I suspected. This man is no Edge, dearest Kimona. This man... is Dark Edge!

Kimona Wanalaya:
Gasp!

Edge:
You are a serious dude, are you not?

WWE Edge:
Of course.

Edge:
I knew it. In all the universes, there could be only one Edge so wrong-headed and evil as to embrace the serious path. This is no Edge. This is the anti-Edge, villain of the Crisis on Infinite Edges! For while Dark Christian is well-known to me, you, Dark Edge, are a mystery of evil! And make no mistake... I will stop your fiendish plot to erase all of time so as to remake the world with yourself as its center!

WWE Edge:
This guy for real, Kimona?

Kimona Wanalaya:
Very.

Edge:
Only I, the one and only true Edge, could have seen the evil lurking within your soul, Dark Edge! Know this. Wherever you go, and whatever you do, I will be ready to prevent your success!

WWE Edge:
Okay, well, I've got a promo to go and cut, alright?

Edge:
It's a serious promo, isn't it?

WWE Edge:
Well, yeah. This is my last RAW before switching over to Smackdown full-time, so it's to set up a match with Michaels.

Edge:
Let me see it. I must fix it so that it does not serve your Dark Edge plans.

WWE Edge:
... fine.

::He passes Edge a sheet of paper. Edge reads it over.::

Edge:
Ah-ha! See, right here. Where you go, "I thought aboo-out giving you people one last classic Edge match, but then I realized you don't deserve it." You need to change that. It's too serious.

WWE Edge:
To what?

Kimona Wanalaya:
To something that doesn't reek of Perfeito, preferably.

Edge:
Yeah, really. I mean, do you just watch his stuff and go, THAT sort of chumpstain is what I want to be, or what?

WWE Edge:
Look, I don't have time for this.

Edge:
Fine, fine. Just add a little something to let the people know, Edge is still Edge, you know? Okay, who's the suckiest dude around here?

WWE Edge:
Uh, Khali I guess. Great Khali.

Edge:
He YRD sucky or Douglas sucky?

WWE Edge:
Huh?

Kimona Wanalaya:
Does he suck for losing all the time, or just for being an idiot?

WWE Edge:
Well, he doesn't lose... he's just tall, and can't move.

Edge:
Okay, so Douglas sucky. He just sucks. That works. So you go, "I thought aboo-out giving you people one last classic Edge match, but then I realized... a, you don't deserve it, and b... Great Khali has already left the building."

Kimona Wanalaya:
Heh. It's funny because I imagined you saying Shane Douglas.

WWE Edge:
And if I do this, you'll consider my "Dark Edge schemes" well and truly foiled, and toddle off back to wherever the hell it is you come from?

Edge:
Sure! But know this, Dark Edge... there will come a reckoning... a CRISIS~!

::As WWE Edge heads off, there's another flash of light, and we see Edge and Kimona back in the TV Watchin' Room, pulling themselves off of the floor as Future Masked Man 1 looks on. Future Masked Man 2 has apparently absconded with two of the more comfy-looking chairs.::

Future Masked Man 1:
So, welcome back!

Kimona Wanalaya:
Did any of that really happen?

Future Masked Man 1:
Who's to say? But what a chilling look at the other side of the mirror, eh?

Edge:
I'll say! Dark Edge is oo-out there, plotting my demise! ... And the WWE REALLY sucks!

Future Masked Man 1:
Right, well, later~!

::He dashes off as Edge realizes two chairs are gone.::

Edge:
HEY! My future self and my brother's future self stole some of our furniture.

Kimona Wanalaya:
That's not all they stole. My bra is gone.

Edge:
That bastard! How dare he take advantage of you, when I myself have always failed to do so, and not even share his secret with me!?

Kimona Wanalaya:
Yes, I'm sure YOU'RE the most inconvenienced one here. What if he... what if he PINNED ME AND COUNTED TO THREE WHILE I WAS OUT? I feel so defeated.

Edge:
You know, I am willing to console you. And you can be on top.

Kimona Wanalaya:
SHUT UP, EDGE!

Edge:
No one is ever impressed by my selfless offers. I hope I become future-me soon so I know all aboo-out the past.

Kimona Wanalaya:
... right.

Edge:
So, from all of us at Team SEC to all of you, happy tenth anniversary!

Kimona Wanalaya:
Who are you talking to?

::Fade out.::